There are so many little stickers that go on little people things that have their names but I find myself saying constantly, well screeching constantly..."THAT IS NOT YOURS!", "NOT YOURS!". I would really love some sticker's that say...
"NOT YOURS!"
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
carpool
Picking up the kid at carpool is like going through the tot drive through.
"I would like one 5 year old with a wicked sense of humor, a mean left hook, an indistinguishable birthmark that needs to be sanded off while he is awake, who ate his lunch and will enter the car with his blood sugar at a sociable level." "AND ONE ICED COFFEE WITH 4 SHOTS OF EXPRESSO and a pump of cinnamon dolce sweetner with 1 1/4 inch of vanilla soymilk that was opened today."
"Excuse me MS. Counselour I did not order this kid, in this totally bad mood, who is dripping popsicle gobs all over my dreamy HONDA! Could you please rework my order so I get the HAPPY KID post eating version! The coffee is fabulous!"
"THANKS SO MUCH SEE YOU TOMORROW!"
"I would like one 5 year old with a wicked sense of humor, a mean left hook, an indistinguishable birthmark that needs to be sanded off while he is awake, who ate his lunch and will enter the car with his blood sugar at a sociable level." "AND ONE ICED COFFEE WITH 4 SHOTS OF EXPRESSO and a pump of cinnamon dolce sweetner with 1 1/4 inch of vanilla soymilk that was opened today."
"Excuse me MS. Counselour I did not order this kid, in this totally bad mood, who is dripping popsicle gobs all over my dreamy HONDA! Could you please rework my order so I get the HAPPY KID post eating version! The coffee is fabulous!"
"THANKS SO MUCH SEE YOU TOMORROW!"
Senator omomma
I know this is a bit outdated but I was really humored when Senator Obama pointed to Senator Clinton and said to his daughters as if encouraging them "This is fabulous, this could be you as well!" Yes, Senator Obama that my friend is exactly the problem. Your daughters may also begin life as beautiful, intelligent, hardworking, ambitious women whose personally life becomes a public mockery and whose proffessional life is undermined by a much less experienced, more charismatic and much hotter guy like yourself! I am an Obama girl but I still prefer the momma-but only because I have no choice but to vote for the man AGAIN!. The whole thing for me just reinforced the fact that maybe we should just stay home and bake the darn cookies. At least then we know we will eat the fruits of our labor. Hmmmm...care for a cookie and your favorite cocktail Senator Obama (don't worry about momma.) Don't worry about us we can take care of ourselves and everyone else!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Diversify your personal portfolio
THE ECONOMICS OF EMOTIONS
As the self annointed Suze Orman of Emotion follow my lead and make sure your emotional wallet is overflowing with resources.
1. DIVERSIFY YOUR PERSONAL PORTFOLIO
Don't expect a single person in your life to fulfill your every emotional need. Some will be there to listen, a shoulder to cry on, not to judge, to give business advice, to cuddle. Let them give where they can, some come from richer resources than others. Let them give how they can.
2. SPEND EMOTIONS CONSERVATIVELY
You never know when you will want to cry louder and harder about something else. Make sure there are still some listening ears in your bank account for the next big crisis.
3. SPEND WITH DISCRIMINATION
Like some objects are not really worth buying some people are not really worth sharing with. Choose carefully.
4. KEEP YOUR RICHES OUT OF VIEW
Don't just let all your emotions hangout for some emotional pick pocket to come and snap them up. Be wary some people do like to snatch your feelings and spread around your riches for their own benefit. They may not appreciate the true value of your honest feelings.
5. BE BRAVE, TAKE RISKS
Trust your heart when you feel someone is worthy-share.
Add to the list...we need everyone to help us all make sense of the murky emotional world.
As the self annointed Suze Orman of Emotion follow my lead and make sure your emotional wallet is overflowing with resources.
1. DIVERSIFY YOUR PERSONAL PORTFOLIO
Don't expect a single person in your life to fulfill your every emotional need. Some will be there to listen, a shoulder to cry on, not to judge, to give business advice, to cuddle. Let them give where they can, some come from richer resources than others. Let them give how they can.
2. SPEND EMOTIONS CONSERVATIVELY
You never know when you will want to cry louder and harder about something else. Make sure there are still some listening ears in your bank account for the next big crisis.
3. SPEND WITH DISCRIMINATION
Like some objects are not really worth buying some people are not really worth sharing with. Choose carefully.
4. KEEP YOUR RICHES OUT OF VIEW
Don't just let all your emotions hangout for some emotional pick pocket to come and snap them up. Be wary some people do like to snatch your feelings and spread around your riches for their own benefit. They may not appreciate the true value of your honest feelings.
5. BE BRAVE, TAKE RISKS
Trust your heart when you feel someone is worthy-share.
Add to the list...we need everyone to help us all make sense of the murky emotional world.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Unmatchmaker
In my younger days I was a matchmaker. I have two weddings to my name and 3.2 offspring as the fruit of my labor. Aged wisdom as enlightened me...I am now an unmatchmaker. I now go around and tell people they should definitely not be married to one another. I say things like... you have no chemistry, you barely talk to one another, she is much better looking then you, he puts you down all the time, she has a boyfriend,he is an awful parent, your kids will be hideous, someone needs to manage the money, you could do better, she is lazy. I am really proud...I have broken up so many unhappy couples!
www.twoheadedmommy.blogspot.com
www.twoheadedmommy.blogspot.com
Monday, April 21, 2008
soooo GREEN!
In an effort to be more green, I have been doing the following and hope you will do the same...
I am trying to buy less and steal more.
I cut down my personal vehicle use and instead have been pleasure cruising in my friends Hummer.
In a serious effort to turn out our lights I have purchased more laptops to illuminate our space.
I have been making my very own consumables. I created a toxic chemical preservative lab and have been applying the potions to our homegrown organic garden. My kids love mixing the solutions and then eating them right from our own test kitchen. It has been educational to experiment with expanding the halflife of our very own tomatoes. I have been reusing the excess toxins as cleaning products. Our toilet and my kids skin is literally glowing. It is neat because they no longer need night lights, imagine the electrical savings!
I have been recycling intensely spending at least 3 times as much time as usual going around and around on the electric stationary bike at the gym. As a result I have significantly reduced my weight and I am reusing my cell phone more and more each day as I am stuck on the stationary cycle.
In a truly noble effort to be truly green I am reusing the following. I hope you will follow my valient lead.
Tampons
Dirty diapers
Soiled toilet paper
Condoms
Oil that leaks from our cars for cooking
I feel really good about myself, even if I do smell really really bad.
Clearly this is just a start but every little bit counts.
Please add to the list to help encourage others to be more green.
I am trying to buy less and steal more.
I cut down my personal vehicle use and instead have been pleasure cruising in my friends Hummer.
In a serious effort to turn out our lights I have purchased more laptops to illuminate our space.
I have been making my very own consumables. I created a toxic chemical preservative lab and have been applying the potions to our homegrown organic garden. My kids love mixing the solutions and then eating them right from our own test kitchen. It has been educational to experiment with expanding the halflife of our very own tomatoes. I have been reusing the excess toxins as cleaning products. Our toilet and my kids skin is literally glowing. It is neat because they no longer need night lights, imagine the electrical savings!
I have been recycling intensely spending at least 3 times as much time as usual going around and around on the electric stationary bike at the gym. As a result I have significantly reduced my weight and I am reusing my cell phone more and more each day as I am stuck on the stationary cycle.
In a truly noble effort to be truly green I am reusing the following. I hope you will follow my valient lead.
Tampons
Dirty diapers
Soiled toilet paper
Condoms
Oil that leaks from our cars for cooking
I feel really good about myself, even if I do smell really really bad.
Clearly this is just a start but every little bit counts.
Please add to the list to help encourage others to be more green.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Divorce Websites
Recently, the inlaws came visiting...they had some goop that some people we knew maybe splitting up. It got me thinking why stop at wedding websites? Shouldn't people get divorce websites as well? That way you could hop online to...
www.derekannabelleshusbanddidaprostitute.com
www.Sethandmaryhavenothadsexin7years.com
www.jimandcarrieisnowjimandlarry.com
and personally decide who gets to keep your silver service gift for 8 with matching creamer, air your opinion on who should live with who and for how many days a week and which family members from each side would still be allowed to chat. Contribute to the endless pool of gossip about how it happened and who told you what. Finally, you could offer your completely impartial and totally honest opinion on how much cash should be divvied out to the receiving party. Forget wedding websites-what a complete bore, divorce websites would be much more fun! As long as I am designing the functionality you could also propose hookups! FUN, FUN, FUN! The potential of the web is enormous. Happiness and social connection is only the tip of the iceberg!
www.derekannabelleshusbanddidaprostitute.com
www.Sethandmaryhavenothadsexin7years.com
www.jimandcarrieisnowjimandlarry.com
and personally decide who gets to keep your silver service gift for 8 with matching creamer, air your opinion on who should live with who and for how many days a week and which family members from each side would still be allowed to chat. Contribute to the endless pool of gossip about how it happened and who told you what. Finally, you could offer your completely impartial and totally honest opinion on how much cash should be divvied out to the receiving party. Forget wedding websites-what a complete bore, divorce websites would be much more fun! As long as I am designing the functionality you could also propose hookups! FUN, FUN, FUN! The potential of the web is enormous. Happiness and social connection is only the tip of the iceberg!
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