Deep thought has lead me to one conclusion... my absolute gating mechanism for mommy friends is they need to be totally diagnosable. If not, they bore me to death. All you completely sane girls (you know who you are!) kindly step aside. I have special affection for totally insane ones that have no clue their reality takes a left from planet earth.
The following are sought for a new mommy group meeting on TwoHeadedMommy.
Obsessive Compulsive Mommy Disorder
I especially love mommy's with OCMD. Life with kids can be totally chaotic so a really predictable mommy that runs like a Swiss clock is a strong bonus for the group
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Mommy Disorder
ADHMD mommies are an electric contribution to any mommy group. They are the disco ball in the Pottery Barn reality of mommyhood. They also come in handy with any Y chromosome kids in your pack. Let the ADHMD's do the chasing while you nurse your soy latte.
Multiple Mommy Personality Disorder
Given the limited time mommy has to socialize multiple personalities is an extremely efficient answer to diversifying any time crunched mommy's social group. Think about the economics...one number to track, one email, less kids to watch but the fun of many friends. Multiple Personalities is any intelligent mommies choice!
Addictive Personality Mommy Disorder
As many mommies are too exhausted to actually run any spreadsheets on their relationships it is excellent to have some of these mommies around. Once you get them hooked on giving you their sitters, maids, freebies you are set up with resources for life. Before they get into Mommy Rehab anyway. Then they need to cut out all the mommy enablers in their life. Boo Hoo!
Hypochondriac Mommy Disorder
These mommy's are invaluable as anytime you wonder if you need to take junior to the Pediatric MD (throat clearing) money vacuum. As on cue they are always willing to support your nuerosis. This perfection embodied a doppelganger mommy in dark irrational thoughts regarding juniors unexpected cough. Definitely keep this ones number.
Co-Dependent Mommy Disorder
This one is so perfect it defies the need for explanation. It is pristine in its mathmatical purity-she wants to bit%6 about so and so you want to B*4cH about this that...PERFECT!
Finally, we love mommy's with any disorder but frankly if you are totally everyday normal mommy with a perfect past TwoHeadedMommy will probably find you insanely boring.
Go get diagnosed girlfriend so we can hangout and have some fun :) !
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3 comments:
Do you have room for an ODD Mommy? Even if she as dxed by her co-dependent husband?
Oppositional Defiant Disorder Mommy includes but is not limited to:
* frequent temper tantrums over lost shoes
* excessive arguing with adults/meter maids
* active defiance and refusal to comply with toddler/husband requests and rules
* deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people, generally that involve atm cards or dry cleaning * blaming others for her mistakes or misbehavior (must be my mom's fault)
* often being touchy or easily annoyed by others, especially small children trying to make international calls on the ODD mommy cell phone.
* frequent anger and resentment, generally directed at magazines located in supermarket check-out
* mean and hateful talking when upset, please use shiny pink ODD Mommy cell phone
* seeking revenge, ie. don't buy hubby's bourbon when he won't let ODD Mommy get $300 hair-do.
I could let go of my ODD Mommy pesona, but how dull? Oui?
I've got your diagnosis "right here". I'm in, baby.
Yes, we have space for and are seeking many more mommy diagnoses. By all means add em in.
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