Packing The Diaper Bag...
When packing ones camper van-I mean diaper bag please do not forget THE MOMMY VOMIT BAG. This is to protect you not from you or your child's regurgitated meal but the emotional vomit of the random mommy's you meet. It is important to carry the bags with you at all times as well as a few spares. Alas, you may get hit multiple times in a single day! So, if some random women you don't know sidles up with a toddler that has dilocated her mommy's shoulder hanging off her disconnected limb and begins to spew emotional vomit at you immedietely pull out the mommy vomit bag so that it covers her mouth completely. You are saving some poor, lonely desolate women total embarassment. She will not need to go home later and say as she once did after a one night stand (in another life) WHAT DID I DO?
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Dear 2 Headed Mommy,
Yesterday I was shopping at Trader Joe's with my lady killing blue eyed boy. We were strolling all over the store, buying cheese, cat's cookies, pistachios, fancy pesto pastries. We had been there shopping for quite a bit. Finally, a kind fellow Mommy approached us. "Miss" she said, (very nice of her as you know I am 43) "there is something wrong with your skirt." I look down and lo & behold, my skirt has been tucked into my underpants in the back for some time. I knew it was a bit breezy, but I thought I was just feeling the freezer case.
My, oh, my, I could have used one of those Mommy Vomit Bags.
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